Rector’s eNews

21 May 2025

Rector’s eNews 15: 21 May 2025

Every few weeks in our assembly or in tutor groups at Michaelhouse, we talk to the boys or talk with them about some major issues which have an important bearing on their lives and the lives of others. On Monday in assembly I spoke to the boys about the issue of rape and consent. Some time ago, following the tragic rape and subsequent murder of a UCT first-year student, there was a national outcry about the prevalence of rape and, at that time, I was visited by a parent who told me that his daughter had been sexually abused by boys from another school and asked to what extent we, at Michaelhouse, were taking action to prevent this and, indeed, what we were doing to prevent violence against women. I had to admit that, at that stage, we were not doing as much as we might have been.

Violence against women is an ongoing theme in South Africa with a woman being subject to rape every 26 to 36 seconds! The exact statistics are potentially inaccurate and could be worse as often cases are not reported as some women misguidedly believe that the abuse they have suffered is “their fault”. Another source estimates that one in every three women in our society has been raped or will be at some stage in their lifetime. So this is a very real issue and it is highly likely that the incidence of rape has impacted some members of our school community – parents, families and friends.

Some steps have been taken to try to limit the incidence of rape: for example, a Sexual Offenders Register has been established in this country, but, ultimately, young men have to understand the complex nature of relationships with others and that our boys are all old enough to have the capacity to commit a criminal act such as rape. I spelt out that rape is defined as sexual penetration of any orifice by a perpetrator against the victim without their consent.

The term consent is critical here and what is widely taught in schools in the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK and in South Africa as we glean through the International Boys’ Schools’ Coalition, is what I explained to them.

I noted that there are five aspects to consent. Consent by another person should, firstly, be freely given. In other words, there cannot be coercion. You cannot force a person or overpower them because that constitutes rape. Secondly, consent should be reversible. In other words, what may be okay today may not be okay tomorrow. Just because a person agrees to some sort of sexual activity on one day does not mean that they are okay with it the next day. Thirdly, consent should be informed: in other words, for example, a person cannot give consent when they are drunk because they do not have control over their faculties, so that can never be consent. Fourthly, consent should be enthusiastic. In other words, a person should not in any way be threatened or mocked or jeered at in an attempt to make them give consent. Fifthly, consent should be specific. It should be specific as to what is allowed and what is not wanted. I explained that some sexual acts may be okay, but others not.

And if we take the basis for consent, as explained above, and place the key words into an acronym, we have the acronym FRIES. FRIES may help them remember some of the details. And that consent should be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. If our boys follow these guidelines, and I obviously hope they will do so, they will not be committing a criminal act and will not be violating others, but they will rather be acting according to the standards accepted in other countries and South Africa and following a path which does not cause severe trauma to a victim and to themselves.

Boys grow up in a complex environment where they may act out of character in their association with others. And so my message was an attempt to contextualise and simplify situations for them by giving them some basic guidelines.

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